What I’m noticing about myself this week…
I’ve reached burn out. It’s official.
I can’t believe I’m actually saying that, but it’s here.
As someone who is labeled (I know, I know) as “high capacity” I have always had the mindset “Of course I can do it all.”
I make my kids do push-ups when they use the word can’t.
‘If you say you can’t you won’t’ and ‘mind over matter’ are some of my favorite motivations to proactivity. Enter the first red flag.
It didn’t happen all at once of course. It’s been a slow burn, no pun intended.
3 - 4 jobs, because you need to have multiple streams of income these days
children
a marriage
hobbies
passion projects
re-parenting myself, while healing trauma
home-schooling
and BOOM! You wake up, after not sleeping well, even though you feel eternally exhausted, and you’re 10lbs heavier than usual. Second red flag.
The weight isn’t necessarily the issue, although unenjoyable because none of your clothes fit because 10lbs on a 5’4 frame is like two pants sizes. But, it’s realizing that you’ve lost your self care, your safety routine and you’re not working out normally like you have every other week of your life. The workouts obviously keep you in your jeans, but also help your brain to feel normal, giving you all the good chemicals you need to function because you also may have a touch of undiagnosed ADHD. Third red flag.
Because of this loss of routine, your thoughts are also scattered and all of the sudden the plates you keep, seemingly flawlessly, spinning are dropping left and right. Not only have they dropped, but they have shattered upon impact and now you’ve stepped in them and cut your feet, because you also forgot to put your shoes on. That visual is hilarious and dramatic, but it is absolutely how I feel right now.
I am vacillating between adding income opportunities, continuing to convince myself that I can do it all, to checking how far we can stretch our 401k’s and listing what assets we could sell to quit everything and live in a bus for a few years.
There’s no way I’m the only one who has googled “How do I make money without working?”
Firstly, even if I didn’t have to work I would still be busy. This is a character defect, not just a financial need. Fourth red flag.
Secondly, the results of this google search are unhelpful. So, if you have not googled that yet and are curious, I’ll save you the time. You still have to work. Unless you have secret trust funds or valuable independent assets you can leverage.
Here’s the problem, I love my work. Every single one of them I would do for free because I love what I do! Some would say that is a blessing and I agree, it most definitely is. God reminds me on the daily that He has gifted me with abilities and I am grateful I get to earn a living executing them.
Where does the problem come from?
There are too many wonderful opportunities to work, give and be involved and I have a hard time saying no. Red flag number five (in case you were still counting).
Why would I say no to an opportunity to earn money doing something I’m good at and love doing?
This is where the struggle comes in.
Where do we find the balance?
How do you ACTUALLY prioritize your rest and still execute your life?
I’ve been told for years by co-workers and loved ones that I need to establish normal rhythms of rest to avoid burn out. I would agree and nod my head while secretly thinking to myself “I’ll be fine, I’m not like everyone else”.
Well friends, the day has come. I’m officially in a submissive position asking God, my family, co-workers, friends and people from the world wide web to help me figure out how to not only get out of this burn out phase, but also, how to not end up here again.
Because it takes a special kind of circumstance to put me into submission, although I know its necessary, it’s leaving this mama FEEL-ing defeated. Defeat quickly translates to shame in a mind and a life that has thrived in over-functioning, that shame can FEEL unbearable. My rational brain knows this is in fact, not rational, however the feeling remains. It’s the feeling that let’s me know it’s time for a change, and I’m grateful for that signal.
I know exactly what to tell a friend that would come to me with the same issue, but telling myself is different. I know I’m not alone in this, and while that is helpful, it’s also alarming how many of us find ourselves in the same place.
So, if this is also you, join me.
Join us, in the quest to minimize burn out and start to prioritize ourselves.
Ugh, I’m uncomfortable just typing that. Red flag number six ;)
Seriously, though, please let me know what YOU have done or are trying to get yourself out of the burn out stage. I am all ears and I’m sure everyone else wants the suggestions as well.
Think of it as your Yelp review page for Mid-life Mom Burn Out.
Signed your over-functioning, ADHD, high capacity, she can do it all, bestie,
Ash.
Well Ashley, my comments could be summed up in the note I just posted- read it and see if you can relate! ❤️Billie